peace

"..the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."

Numbers 6:26

peace.

it's been the cry of my heart for this journey from even before we left.

and He has granted it.

yes, there have been moments of despair...and stress...and sickness...and confusion.

but HIS peace has always been there.

PRAISE HIM!

there have been so many answers to prayer the past 10 days.

i'm sure i don't even know them all.

there have even been answers to prayers i haven't even known to pray.

like, minutes after we were told we couldn't get levi's passport...which meant we couldn't bring him home...and we had to go to another appointment, a friend - that i knew just through email, but met when we were in rwanda, WALKED into the same building for another reason. coincidence?? no. God is so good. her sweet, calm spirit calmed both pat and i when we were SO close to losing it.

i hate to admit that there have been moments that were SO hard. SO intense, that i couldn't even pray. i had no words.

but, people have written me encouragement along those very lines.

letting me know that they are praying WHEN I CAN'T.

oh...He is good.

He is meeting our every need.

today things feel blurry...fuzzy.

every time i stand up or blink and open my eyes, i can't quite focus. things seem a bit blurry.

not sure if it's my body...or my heart.

but, one thing i do know. HE IS GOOD.

i struggle to find reasons WHY or WHEN.

i struggle with feelings of GUILT for already failing these 2 boys that He's trusted me with.

i struggle with questioning WHY ME? when i am such a poor example of His love as i'm impatient with my husband and my kids.

but...HE IS STILLL GOOD.

this trip has been moment after moment of pure trust and faith.

hannah would ask as we got off a long flight into an international airport in the middle of africa, "so, do we know who's meeting us?"

um. no. we just keep walking. we get our suitcases. and keep walking. and hope someone walks up to us that knows us.

and, when they do, we get into a van with them and trust they are going to take us where we need to go.

yesterday morning, hannah and i were sitting in a restaurant with all 5 kids. pat was at our LAST embassy appointment so that we could get to the airport for our flight out.

i looked up at her and said, "we are sitting in a restaurant in africa with 5 kids. 2 of whom we can't communicate with and can barely control. we have no phone. no money (pat had it all). no driver waiting for us. and we are just trusting pat is going to come back with peter and our driver and get us at some point."

SO much trust and faith.

but, HE's met us all along the way.

taking a deep breath here. trying to switch gears. we are over halfway there.

ethiopia is different. can't quite pinpoint it yet. looking forward to taking it all in.

my eyes are on home. but i want to see HIM here, too.