i need a moment

i just put sawyer in his crib for the last time.

he's moving into joshua's room tomorrow at naptime.

i have laid a child in a crib every day (many times a day some days) for the last 9 1/2 years.

and it's over.
over.

i need a moment.

i was NOT prepared for this when i made the decision a few days ago that now was the time.
mostly..it was because we need to get his room ready for our new sons and he's 2 1/2 and old enough...blah, blah....all practical stuff.

i considered NOTHING of my heart reacting.

it hurts.