right now

i want to document these days.
but they are so FULL, i don't have time to document them the way i want.

so, i'm just going to start.

these are the busiest days ever.
full of homework, projects, swimming lessons, baseball games, soccer practice.
huge event we're in charge of this weekend at church...HOURS of pat's time organizing it.
it's going to be amazing.
taking bailey and sawyer to the playground in the morning because the weather is that PERFECT kind where you can't even tell there IS a temperature and i don't want to miss these last few days with just the 2 of them.
now i'm crying.

i didn't cry when we got our referral last week.
i kinda choked up, but i didn't cry. i was in shock.
then i switched into "lots to do" mode.
i didn't cry until this sunday at church. with the first word that i tried to sing.
it opened the floodgates. and i cried off and on all morning...mother's day...showing the pictures of my boys to SO many that love us and them.
and i've been on the verge of tears ever since.

i'm so overwhelmed. with your love. with His love.
i've never felt WHO GOD IS so clearly in all my life.
it's beautiful. awesome. amazing. the words don't come close to capturing it.

i'm exhausted. yet exhilarated.
in a daze. but trying to take it all in.
not wanting to miss or forget one thing.

pat and i are great. what a ride to be on together!
the kids are great. God is meeting me when i fail. and i'm actually capable of being gracious to myself. possibly for the first time in my life.

i'm fighting the cold pat had last week. but i think i'm winning.
the kids are not - 3 of the 4 have it. but they are fine.
i'm sleeping a little better.
and taking sleeping pills sometimes.

my foot is TOTALLY healed.
proof?
i can run 4 miles.
i can do kickboxing.
and i can play on the playground.
I AM BACK!!!
{it will be a long time before i am able to do a 12 mile run, though. i say that is fine. i'm not sure i mean it.}

the excitement and support and graciousness of those around us is so humbling.
someone brought me some meals yesterday to have when we get home.
we have received items off our registry every day.
a friend offered to take a shift for me so my kids can be on swim team this summer (when i was stressing over how to balance needing to adjust and maybe NOT do swim team, with swim team being the HIGHLIGHT of our kids summer - and YEAR even, for rebekah!)
and the interest and questions from friends means SO much to us.

i don't even need to look at their pictures.
they are etched in my mind.
i can't WAIT to get my hands on them and tell them i LOVE them.

i'm terrified.
i feel completely ill-equipped to parent 6 kids.
i don't know what this summer is going to be like as we all adjust to one another.
i know it will be crazy and overwhelming and hard.
but i also hope it will be sweet and special and good.
i know God will be with us.
i hope i can feel Him.