the process

got the mail on the way in from getting joshua on the bus.
in between a pile of all junk mail was an envelope with THE return address i've been praying for!!!

i quickly took a picture, then ripped into it with my heart in my throat...

but it was not our approval.
it was a letter stating that they need more info on something in our homestudy.
we need our social worker to do that for us as an addendum, and then mail it to USCIS.
and then wait...again...for our approval.

there was also a second page attached.
stating that this letter was supposed to have been mailed out Feb 8, but because of the snowstorm (and the govt closing for a week) it was mailed Feb 22. ugh.

ugh.

very disappointing.

i've followed enough adoption journeys to know that we should expect things like this.
over and over.
this process is crazy...so detailed...so much red tape...so many specific things to do/fill out/check off...and it's easy to get frustrated and think things like, "is this worth it?"

but it is.
i trust that it is.
and all that redtape, etc is for the children...for their best interests.

i know that this is all in His hands.
and it's His timing.
and His timing is perfect.

but i can't help but feel sad...and discouraged...and like i just want to shut my heart off for a little while and not feel.

i think we were very hopeful that we'd be home by Christmas as a family of 8...and as February has ticked by it was seeming less likely...and this pretty much seals the deal. it very unlikely that we would travel this year at this point. which is just going to take some time to adjust to for me...mentally...

we do things EVERY.DAY to prepare for these children.
we are painting rooms.
and getting beds.
and reading books.
and reading others' journeys as they go before us.
just a few minutes ago i taped sawyer's room so that we can paint the trim (that will be their room) while sawyer and bailey chased each other around and sawyer took the tape off as i was putting it on :-)

we are glad to...we have been called to it...
but it's a lot.

and this is just a hard day.

i'm pretty sure i'm not making any sense at this point.

this is just another step in the process.
not one we knew was going to happen, but we'll keep stepping on.
because there are 2 little boys that are already in my heart and belong in my house and i'm going to keep stepping until i get to them.