the rest of us

in case you are worried that the rest of my family is suffering terribly for my crazy, awful attitude lately...they aren't. everyone is actually doing really well and there's still been a lot of fun and smiles and laughter around here lately!

bailey and sawyer are LOVING the basement these days. we go through spells.
sawyer LOVES his trains and bailey, well, she just loves anything {except socks that tickle her}

the other morning, i ran upstairs and made their lunch and felt "fun" so i brought it down to them and they ate it laying on their stomachs in the basement. i even let sawyer feed himself his applesauce. which was all fine and good til...

he rolled over and tried to put it in his mouth while laying on his back. i remember when applesauce all over a shirt, neck, face and carpet would have gotten me upset. not anymore. i laughed and cleaned it up and fed him the rest of the applesauce myself :-)

i had a headache from 5 pm sunday night until 2 pm yesterday afternoon. almost 3 full days. IT.WAS.AWFUL! it's so hard to function when you have a headache.

i couldn't take all the bags of halloween candy around here {meaning: i have NO self-control and needed it gone or else i was going to gain 20 pounds}

so, the other afternoon i gave each kid a bag and let them pick 10 pieces of candy. i told them they could eat the candy WHENEVER they wanted. they could eat it all right then. or for breakfast the next day. whatever. but when it was gone, it's gone. they have TOTALLY been so "controlled" about it! one piece when they get home, one piece after dinner. NO one has had any for breakfast! i'm amazed!

the rest of the candy is gone.

so, are my kids the only kids that pretend to be poor?
they were running in and out of the house the other afternoon. gathering "supplies" for whatever "game" they were playing. i asked one of them as they ran past me making dinner, "what are you guys playing?"

"we are poor people. we have a shelter on the ground. and we walk to the river to get water."
all said with a sweet smile on their face.
not like a "i have no idea what i'm talking about" smile.
but a "i know there are people like this in the world and i love them and respect them enough to acknowledge what their life is like" smile.

joshua was doing this.
HE.LOVES.TO.LEARN.
it's crazy.

oh look! sawyer caught a fish in the river!!!!
i love my kids.

i pretty much read a book a week.
the last 2 weeks i read Mockingjay and Choosing to See.
VERY different books.
loved them both.

my friend, Tisha, posted about this awhile ago.
i finally got around to doing it.
she used pretty beads.
i used pasta.
each jar represents the number of days until each child turns 18.
there are only 3215 days for rebekah.
i take one out a day...and we'll cook and eat them as we go. :-)
so practical, i am.
this is not to countdown until they are gone.
this is to be reminded how little time i really have with each of them and to TRULY make EACH day count.
once that pasta {day} is gone, it's gone!

we are having some pretty perfect fall days here lately.
and i'm trying to take advantage of them.
we've gone to a different playground every day.
i LOVE my mornings with these 2.
i think ages 1 1/2-5 yrs is my favorite age range.
the babies kill me.
and the older kids make me feel so inadequate.

toddlers are just so EASY to please.
yes, they throw temper tantrums and pee in their pants over and over.
but, say to them, "hey! is that a rock?"
and the temper tantrum is over and they are all smiles.
it's just sweet. i love it.

God is so good to me.
He's so very patient. and gentle.
sawyer and bailey have both been whining/complaining a lot this week {combo of weekend with the grandparents AND daylight savings time} and i have been SO frustrated.
but i was reminded today, that's TOTALLY what i've been doing with God lately.
whining, complaining, whining, complaining.
our adoption journey is NOT turning out how i "thought" it would.
i had this "plan" in my head and it's just not working out that way.
i have fought it and argued with God and tried to reason :-) with Him.
and He's been silent.
or He's gently told me "no" and "wait" and "be patient".
and i never let that get to my heart.
i whine and complain and whine and complain.
oh, how frustrating i must be to Him.

but, just like i continue to love and teach and mold and forgive my children for their whining and complaining, so does my God.

His never-ending grace and love is amazing.
and He sends little snippets of encouragement that could ONLY be from Him my way at just the right times.
today He LITERALLY sent me a hug at a playground. for REAL. my eyes are still bugging out probably.
i mean, it was so great to see her. BUT, more than that, it was FROM HIM!
i am so so thankful.
i feel like, maybe, i'm finally hearing what He's trying to teach me.

and my heart is singing again.
i'm excited when i wake up.
to see what the day holds.
to welcome my children to their day.
to think ahead and dream and love and LIVE.

i don't think i'll ever be quite the same.
the scars from the lessons are there to remind me.
my heart beats deeper.
but i hope it means that i will also love deeper.

{sawyer loves chocolate chip pancakes}

man, life is hard.
but He is bigger than all of it.

and life is good.
we're still smiling.
how could we not??

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." 

James 1:17