praying

pat and i are talking DAILY about adoption.
we have been thinking and praying about it on our own for months {years?}
but now it's becoming more consuming.
last night pat prayed about it for the first time while we were praying together.
and he prayed for "our child(ren)".

liberia??

all along my heart has been in sierra leone.
and it still is.
but i've spent the last few weeks pursuing adoption there.
and it just doesn't seem to be an option.
i was willing to fight...and be stubborn...if that was a possibility.
but i was basically told "it would not be wise to pursue that country" from a number of sources.

i was sad.
and thought maybe this was it.
all along i'm praying, "God open and close the doors...show us the way..."
i thought that might be the door closing.

and then...liberia is in my lap all of a sudden.
i can't really explain it.
i was reading something and clicked on a link.
and there it was.
and my heart said, "yes."

it's in the same area of africa as sierra leone.
it's where we've been raising money for wells for clean water.
i checked a couple books out of the library about liberia.
i've been reading some blogs about other's experiences with adoption from liberia.
and i'm praying.

we'll see...

--

"Adoption is the visible gospel."
John Piper

latest conversation with Pat

i've tried to stop bringing "it" (adoption) up everytime we have a few minutes just the 2 of us.
it's been a couple months since we've talked about it.
partly because life has been crazy.
but mostly because i made a conscious decision not to talk about it.
{oh, i've been thinking and praying...just not talking :-)}

two weekends ago we went on a date.
i brought it up.
something along the lines of, "this is always on my mind. what do we do? i feel like we just move forward and allow God to open and close doors as we go. He's not going to write it in the sky. we have to DO something. what do you think?"
he said, "i agree. let's move forward."
!!!!!!
my heart was about to burst out of my chest!!!!
then he said, "i'm just scared."
that would be a normal statement. totally normal.
but he didn't mean it like you might think.
i mean, as much as i think about it, i am SCARED...TERRIFIED...

this is what he said,
"i'm scared that if the doors close. or it doesn't work out, you are going to be devastated."
oh, how he knows me. so well.

{i can picture it. 2 weeks later. i can still picture it. it was our first time riding in his new car together, just the 2 of us. and then we were walking into target as we finished this conversation.}

but that's when i said, {WHILE praying that i'm sincere and can really live this out},
"i can't be devastated. God is in this. whether we end up adopting, or just going through the process, God is in this. i trust that. and i can't be devastated if it doesn't turn out like i think it will."

so, i have the go ahead.
to pursue.
but now i don't know what to do!
where do i start??

--

"God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."
Francis Chan

sierra leone

1 in 3 children die by the age of 5.
wow.

praying boldly

i've started to pray some bold prayers about adoption.
i've been tempted to before.
but then got scared.
because i know when you pray things like, "God, give me patience" ...He WILL test you so that you have no other option BUT to have patience.

but, i'm ready.

Lord, make it equally clear to Pat and I that we should adopt.
Lord, guide us to the country/agency we should use.

i'm starting with those.
and praying BOLDLY...knowing that He will answer.