peace

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, 

because he trusts in you."

Isaiah 26:3

thanks to medicine, i had a great night's sleep.
and woke up feeling peaceful for the first time all week.

i ran this morning and it was easier. yay!

i can stare at my boys' faces whenever i want. and do.
even though their faces are etched in my mind.

pat is home today because i'm going on a bike ride with my running group.
we'll ride like 8 miles...stop and eat lunch...and ride home.
we try to do it twice a year.
we've had it planned for months.
it's a GORGEOUS day out there!

a friend just stopped by and brought me tulips - my FAVORITE. and a target gift card.
we are so loved and blessed.

i'm not sure i've ever felt JOY at this level before.

day 4...

it's been 4 days since we got our referral for our 2 precious boys.
it feels like WAY longer than that!
i know i would be amazed if i looked back on all that's been accomplished in these 4 days.
but i don't have time to look back.

i'm going to start each post with prayer requests for the near future.
many are asking for specific prayer requests and we are thankful...we can use all the prayers we can get!

prayer requests for may 5, 2011
*that i would be able to sleep - it's just not good for anyone or anything if i don't get sleep
*that our boys in Rwanda would feel HOPE
*that i would be able to meet everyone's hearts...Pat's...Rebekah, Joshua, Bailey and Sawyer...and, that when i can't or when i fail, His grace covers my shortcomings

we've started receiving gifts from family and friends and it's so humbling!

my brother and his family came over last night. it was so great to see them all! their excitement means the world to us. we LOVED sharing the boys' pictures with them. and they brought some fun things off our registry!!! it makes it all feel VERY real!

i had a hunger pang for the first time today since monday. i have had NO appetite. i have to remind myself to eat. normally, i would be excited about this. thinking maybe i would drop a few...but, you know what? i could care less! i just want to do all i can do to get ready for my boys!!!

i ran 3 miles this morning! my foot felt fine. but i wanted to DIE. it's so frustrating how i could run 12 miles 2 months ago without even thinking about it and now i can hardly run 3 miles. but, you know what, i could care less about that, too! well, truthfully, i do care a little bit about that. i just DO love to run. but, i care WAY less than i would have a couple months ago! but, everything pales in comparison to the JOY of our boys being so close to coming HOME!

{the kids opening packages that arrived today!}

it's been crazy.
MUCH to think about and do and process.
lists all OVER the place.
i have a pad of paper by my bed. i filled 2 pages of it through the night last night. in the pitch black, i would roll over and write whatever i thought of that i needed to remember to do in the morning. there was writing on top of writing. but, it helped to get it out of my brain and onto paper.

but...somehow, through Him, i've been able to keep my priorities straight.

first...my eyes are on Him. if i've learned ANYTHING this last year, it's that i'm NOT in control and HE is. He is the Author of this story. and it's so beautiful. i'm keeping my eyes on Him and just ready and waiting to see what's next.

second...Pat. we have to stay strong. we have our moments. but, mostly, we are great and i'm so thankful. he's amazing.

third...my kids. this is huge in their lives. i'm staying very attuned to them and their moods and what they say and what they do. everyone seems good and excited at this point. but...i am watching closely!

fourth...me. i have to stay as rested and healthy as i can. i'm taking a sleep aid again tonight. i have to sleep. i'm forcing myself to eat even when the butterflies are so many that i don't think i can. i'm exercising because it's good for me AND i love it.

sawyer is doing a great job in his new room and bed :-) how cute is that??

bailey seems to have gotten pat's bad cold. she was asleep before 7 pm tonight. poor girl...

this girl is a ROCK. so thankful for her.

still no news on travel dates.
probably won't hear anything definitive for a week or so. i wish we would know sooner, but we know it WILL be soon and i'm choosing to be good with that.

what a ride...

wow.
this is one amazing journey!!!

first, before i get into details...here is our first family picture! (covered their sweet selves up...but they are in there!)

oh...i can't wait til they are REALLY in there with us!

arriving at my parents' house monday night to share our news!

ok..some updates:

*i've had some questions about the registry.
            -some (a lot) of the medicine/food stuff from target you can only buy IN the store. didn't realize that when we were registering. but, we still need it. also, the medicine and food is for our TRIP...not just to have at home. we have to be prepared for ANY sickness, etc AND we have to be prepared to eat a lot of our meals "on the go".
            -i added some new things to the registry...once we found out the ages of the kids, we had some more "needs"!

*we do not know any travel plans yet. maybe by the end of this week/early next week??

*running! remember how i broke my foot and couldn't run for 6 weeks? well, this week should have been my first week back running. but, i just felt like i needed to give it a few more days. i ran 2 miles on it at the gym today and it felt fine. so...i guess i'll start building back up! i almost died running 2 miles. that makes me so sad. ugh.

*the kindness and generosity of people astounds me.

*we got our fingerprints re-done yesterday. they had expired.

*we get our shots this afternoon...all 5 of us. it's not going to be fun. it IS going to be expensive. but, it must be done. one step closer!!! PRAY for no awful side effects!!!!

*bad, bad mom moments last night. bailey had swim lessons. i had 20 minutes to get joshua to his baseball GAME from bailey's swim lesson. there was an accident. he was 45 minutes late. i might have driven REALLY fast and i might have yelled REALLY loud at the kids to "not say another word!" all of that made rebekah 5 minutes late to her soccer practice AND had no time to get her water from home (which i totally thought we'd have time to do in my "plan" for the evening). when i got home with bailey and sawyer after dropping joshua off...and then rebekah...there was a message from rebekah, "mom. my coach didn't show up. can you come get me?" ugh. load bailey and sawyer back in the car. go to her soccer field. her coach HAD shown up by then. so we went back home for a few minutes and i fed the 2 of them dinner and gave them baths before we picked her back up. and THEN...i thought i had lost our fingerprint forms from the morning. looked EVERYwhere. couldn't find them. ended up they were in the trashcan. I THREW THEM AWAY! ahhh!!! by the time pat and joshua got home from joshua's game, i was laying on my bed and basically didn't even have the capacity to respond. it was not good. a number of apologies and a good hug from pat improved things significantly...plus a good night's sleep!

*i know my 2 new sons' faces. they are SO precious. i can't believe how much i love them already...and how much they are already loved!!

my brother wasn't there when we were...but this is him seeing them on my mom's camera :-)

the joy

i didn't sleep all night. maybe an hour. my mind was all over the place...racing...

i got up a couple times...researched car seats...registered for bottles and formula...and tried to sleep again...to no avail.

we all had to be up and fed and out the door by 6:30 this morning to get our fingerprints re-done. i'm sure that didn't help me sleep, either.

your love and comments and excitement have been precious.

i am amazed at how much i already know every detail of their faces.

the kids each brought a copy of their pictures to school with them. how i WISH i could be there to see them share!

the joy of these 2 boys being the ones chosen to join our family is something i can't explain. i am OVERjoyed. i can only imagine the Father's joy for us when one joins His family.

found these...aren't they amazing??

for their room... (that i can't WAIT to start setting up!!)

 for any room!

the day we saw their faces

4:35 pm on May 2, 2011

yes, it's true.
WE GOT OUR REFERRAL!!!


i was gone all morning.
walked in around 11:30 after getting bailey on the bus and checked email for the first time all day.
just "normal" emails.
checked spam...just in case.
i could see there was just 1 in there (i check it pretty often these days)

i clicked it

IT WAS OUR REFERRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

only sawyer was home.
i laughed. and cried. and jumped up. and i think i ran around in a couple circles or something.

i couldn't click on it because i knew i wanted pat to be with me.

so, i called him.

he answered.

"we got it!!!" i screeched!!!!

he couldn't believe it.

and then said he had meetings all day followed by a dr appt at 4 pm. he's been pretty sick and getting worse and we need him better to get his shots on wednesday afternoon.

so...here i sit at 4:35 pm...i have yet to see their faces.
i walked around in circles for the 2 hours sawyer napped and before the kids got home from school (sawyer slept GREAT in his big boy bed...by the way...)
helped the kids with homework.
if i hold my hands out, they are shaking. i can not WAIT to see them!!!!
made 2 pans of lasagna...one for this week...one to freeze.

and, now i'm waiting for pat to get home so we can tell the kids.
and open the email together.

AHHHH!!!!!

to be continued....

10:14 pm.

pat got home at 5:21 pm.
i had a headache. the kids were running around the house like banshees. i was DYING to see my boys faces and was ignoring the 4 children running circles around me and i sat on the chair staring out the window willing pat to drive up.

he finally did.

we told the kids.

rebekah took pictures of us opening the email up...

 oh, how i dreamed of this day. even though i had all afternoon to prepare for it, i still had no idea what it would be like. it.was.precious.

THEY are precious!!
we can't show pictures or tell any real details here because they aren't officially OURS...but, let's just say we need to leave the crib up!!!
{and my heart is SO happy about that!!!}
if you see us in person, we will GLADLY show you their faces!

then we brought the kids in and showed THEM their pictures...

i honestly can't remember what they said. or did.
i was just trying to process it all...
i do know they were and are excited!

then we drove around and showed our parents' their next 2 grandsons!

we don't know yet when we will be traveling. we hope to know more by the end of the week!

God is so good.
we are so blessed.

answered prayer

""If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you." ~ Jesus in John 15:7


"I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." ~ Jesus in John 16:23-24

God is so good. He just is.

last thursday was a big day in my heart.
i ran to target for a couple birthday gifts for parties the girls had this past weekend.
on the way home, i was overcome (like most days) with all of this...this whole thing...this whole bringing 2 new children into our family and traveling halfway around the world to get them with 3 of our children and leaving our baby behind. sometimes it just all seems like TOO MUCH. and i can't breathe.


i am fearful.


and i doubt.


well, it happened while i was driving.


and i just prayed one of those short prayers...the ones i think He probably loves the most because it's when we're not just leaning on Him, but we're jumping into His arms.

"Lord, I just need one more confirmation. Just one more..."

i dropped bailey off at school on the way home.
got home.
grabbed the mail from the mailbox on the way in.
opened it. 
and there was a check from dear friends towards our adoption costs.


He almost couldn't have answered me any faster. 
i laughed through my tears.
He is so good.

and He answers. He does.


{wanna know what that picture is of?? the dress i'm going to wear when i meet our boys for the first time. bought with a gift card i've been saving and saving for the right thing. this was it.}

evening at the farm

once we were done with all our sports on saturday, we headed to the farm!

chased chickens...

everyone is in there (except me!)

swung...

i LOVE how his eyes are closed :-)

robyn...this is for you!

and went to a new little place for dinner (thanks, kelly!)
hot dogs. free arcade games. FUN!

it was a sweet night.