oh how she gets it

i've been DYING to share this post...but i had to wait...you'll see why!

a few weeks ago, my friend robyn, commissioned REBEKAH to make shirts for her 2 kids.
not me.
REBEKAH.
robyn GETS how rebekah GETS this adoption thing (and water thing...and loving others thing...she's amazing!) and she wanted to give her an opportunity to raise money for her 2 brothers to come home.
robyn, i can't thank you enough for this opportunity!

so, i bought the shirts.
rebekah picked out the fabric.
i helped her draw the shapes ("water drop" for jackson, "africa" for belle)

there were some learning moments...she cut out the first water drop very sloppily.
i made her re-do it.
lesson on doing things WELL. especially when you are doing them for someone else.
but we should always do things WELL!

she was nervous to push the pedal and guide it through the machine herself.
but i wanted her to feel the accomplishment...and she wouldn't if i did it for her.
so i encouraged her from behind (and prayed REALLY hard! because i wanted her to feel this accomplishment!)
and she did great.
it took FOREVER.
but she did great!!!

and i don't think she would have that light in her eyes if i had pushed the pedal or guided the shirt through the machine.

rebekah, i'm so so proud of who you are. of how you love everyone around you before yourself. you inspire me. i love you so so much!

here is the video of robyn's kids receiving their shirts. i SOBBED. to be a part of this whole big thing God is doing is just amazing.

i have no more words.

**edited to add: you WILL be able to order these from rebekah...more to come on this soon! (once our dossier is on it's way -we're SO close! and the yard sale is over in 2 weeks!!!!)

authentication trip!

we were all so excited for our trip to richmond!

{joshua wrote this the night before...}

i had butterflies in my stomach.
the day had so many pieces...and it was literally planned out to the minute.

after my 6 mile run in the morning, i got ready and got the car all packed...snacks, lunch, meal packed for friend, bag of activities for the kids if we had to wait long at the authentication office, change of clothes for everyone, pj's for everyone, camera (duh!), paperwork to be signed, bikes and scooter. the car was pretty full! :-)

first stop, IKEA!
it's about an hour of us...and i'm making the girls new duvet covers and wanted to get comforters to go in the covers at Ikea.
it was on the way from our house to Richmond, so it made sense to stop.

this is the only picture i have from there...it's a SUPER kid friendly place...and i utilized this great seat on the back of the bathroom stall for sawyer! :-)

we got to ikea at 10 on the dot (when it opened) and were headed back to the car at 10:30 (exactly when i was planning...) until i realized i had somehow gotten 1 twin and 1 FULL comforter! so...back through the store (which, if you've been to ikea, you KNOW is not easy!) to get another twin. buy it. and return the full. now i'm getting back on the road at 11 am. ugh. behind schedule already.

get back on 95.
it's a parking lot.
ROAD WORK!
it should be illegal to do road work on 95 south between NOVA and Richmond on a friday.
seriously.

once the traffic starts moving i *somehow* make up for lost time.
until my GPS sends me towards Charlottesville instead of into Downtown Richmond.
i call Leah and she gets me back on track...but i was 30 minutes away from where i wanted to be...more lost time...

get to the authentication office.
well, park 4 blocks away from the authentication office.
load the stroller up with all our bags (lunch, activities, paperwork, sawyer's clothes - he was still in his pj's! :-))
pay 2 hours worth of a meter

then walk to the authentication office.
it's 1:30pm-ish.

hand over our paperwork.
she takes one look at it and tells me it will take a couple hours.
it should be done by 4 pm.
not what i was planning on...i was hoping to wait for it and be done.

we leave and eat our lunch in a little courtyard right outside of the building.
the kids are doing AWESOME!
no complaining...going with the flow...(joshua is asking every few minutes when we are seeing owen :-))

after we eat our lunch, we walk back to the car and hop in. just as i'm ready to drive away, a man in a suit and holding a Bible in one hand knocks on our window. i roll the window down. he asks me if there's anything he can pray for us? we have a little conversation. and he prays for us right then and there. as we drive away, the kids are amazed! that a stranger would pray for us!

we drive to leah's house to hang out, play, and let sawyer take a nap (it's 2:30...WAY late for sawyer's nap! but he was going great!)

the kids had a ball playing outside.
they made a playground for the caterpillars they found :-)

leah treated us well!
i had a diet soda (ahhh!!!!)
the kids got juice boxes.
we had yummy cookies!

leah and i sat outside and caught up a little while the kids played (NOT long enough though!!!)

the authentication office called and said my documents were ready to be picked up.
leah graciously watched all my kids so i could go back downtown to pick up the documents.
i left about 3:30 pm and got back to her house at 4:15 pm.

the building.

the office...
a few of our documents were not filled out properly by the notary.
so we need her to fix that and then we will mail them in.
i was super sad and frustrated and disappointed.
i called pat and vented.
had a little temper tantrum in the car on the way back to leah's.
and then was fine.
there was nothing else i could do...it was NOT going to ruin the rest of our day!

got to leah's, woke sawyer up, gathered all our stuff and headed over to the fogarty's.

it was about 4:45 pm by the time we got to their house.
we were supposed to be there at 3:30 pm...so both joshua and owen were SUPER anxious...

they were SO cute together from the second they got out of the car!
their relationship is so sweet...i just love it!

everyone played outside...

i ended up forgetting my water bottle at leahs, so she drove it over to me and cary (her husband) stopped by on his way home from work. the kids loved seeing him!

oh how i loved getting to hug ali's neck...baby ryan is a week old and i've never been able to see her so soon after giving birth! she looks AMAZING! and ryan is the cutest thing ever!

the visit was way too short. but precious all the same.

we left the fogarty's and stopped for dinner on the way to our last stop.
chick fil a!
how cute are the kids??

our last stop was the Thompson's house.
they adopted a little boy from Rwanda in January...and live in Richmond. when she saw i was going to be in town, she asked me to stop by! we "know" each other through our blogs, but had never met in person.

and it just so happened that the Thomas' were visiting this weekend also - and also adopted from Rwanda (they were in the same travel group!)

both families were so gracious to let us crash their party!
my kids loved it...took about 3 seconds to get comfortable and then jumped right in!
i treasured seeing these sweet families in person...and hearing from them...

we left at 8:15 pm...and got home at 10:30 pm.

quite the day.
long...but so so amazing.
i felt your prayers in such a real way.
and the kids were unbelievable with all we did!

it was a GREAT day...and i felt like i got hit by a truck when i woke up the next morning :-)

WE GOT OUR APPROVAL!!!!!!!!

it was raining.
i grabbed the mail as we ran in the house from getting joshua on the bus and saw this return label right away!!!

i tried to keep from getting too excited after last time.
but i would have been devastated if it wasn't our approval.

{i have to make a confession...i emailed USCIS last Monday asking about our approval. they emailed me back and said it should be mailed out in 3-4 days...so i was even more hopeful that it would be arriving soon. yet at the same time very guarded in getting too excited.}

thankfully, it WAS our approval!!!

those of you that haven't been through this process are probably having a hard time understanding how much this 1 piece of paper means...but it means a lot!

it means that the United States has approved us to adopt 2 little boys.
and it was the last piece of paper we were waiting for to be able to send all our paperwork over to Rwanda.

but, of course, it's not that easy.

now that we have all our paperwork, we have to get each piece of paper (and there are a LOT!) authenticated (which is a step above "notarized" - which they are already all notarized). you have to get stuff authenticated at the Capitol - in Richmond - in our case. you can mail it and wait 3 or so weeks...or drive there and walk in and have them do it. um...we are driving to Richmond on Friday (works out nicely that the kids have a teacher workday that day...but i would have taken them out of school anyways...) :-)

over the weekend we will make 3 copies of EVERYTHING and get it all organized and then (hopefully) i will drive it to our agency on Monday and drop it off!

at that point it will be out of our hands. (which at this point sounds nice...but the next wait will be even longer and harder.)

they will approve everything and it will go through a process of being translated and sent to Rwanda!!!

once it arrives in Rwanda we will wait again for approval from their government. right now that wait is about 6 months...and traveling about 2 months after that to bring our children home.
AHH!!! SO excited today!

{and in all the excitement i TOTALLY forgot that i was supposed to register Bailey for kindergarten today. at her school. from 9 am to 3 pm. i remembered at 2:30 as i was picking the kids up from school. bailey and sawyer were sleeping. we ran home, woke bailey up and RAN back to the school just in the nick of time! she had sweet pillow crease marks on her face as she registered for kindergarten...at least i already had all the paperwork filled out!}

it would have been too perfect

to get our approval on my birthday.
wouldn't it?

we didn't get it.

i was afraid i'd be EXTRA disappointed today.
i thought for SURE God would "bless" me with that gift.

i'm not as disappointed as i thought.

i'm more resolved than ever.
no matter how long or how hard or how many days of an empty mailbox or how many hurdles we have to jump...
i will keep going as long as it takes to get to those 2 little boys.

this is only the beginning.

i need to build my "strength" and i'm trusting that this is one way He's using to do just that.

i know He has called us to this.
and He will provide what we need.
but i also know this is going to be a hard road...not easy.
and i'm ok with that because it's His road.

i'll focus on the other gifts that i can hug today...my amazing husband and 4 children that are so excited to be celebrating my birthday with me!
{and a part of my heart is always yearning to hug them...}

weary of waiting

i'm so sick of the roller coaster of emotions i go through every day.
all because of that one piece of paper we're waiting to receive in the mail!

i have no idea when to expect it...since we had to send that addendum, i just don't know what the timeframe is now.

every day i try to tell myself to just not expect it.
but i can't help getting a little expectant when i get the mail...and then disappointed when it's not there.

i'm weary of waiting...and we haven't even started the REAL waiting yet.
that will start once all our paperwork is in Rwanda!

thankful that i'm going to get a break from my mailbox roller coaster for the next week.
and we have some fun adoption related news to share once we get back and i have the time to tell you about it!

car is packed...
a long run and baseball practice in the morning
{and hopefully time for me to sweep the floor...you know how i am :-)}
and then we head out around lunchtime.

it killed Him

"My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him."

Derek Loux

i needed to read this quote today...it validated some of the feelings i'm feeling...

surrender

i am not a writer.
normally i just type and "publish post" and off i go...

but this is very close to my heart...and it's been big and i want to do it justice...so i pray i can communicate in a way that you will understand and, hopefully, relate!

i have had an easy life.
born into a wonderful family.
have been loved by my immediate family, my extended family, and friends every step of my life.
i've been a Christian since i was 4 years old and have never doubted God...never struggled with "is He who He says He is?"
once i believed it, i BELIEVED it.
i have loved Him as long as i can remember.
i've said things like, "i trust Him", "He is in control", "i have faith that He knows why this is happening"...and really meant them...deep, deep down inside.

i found a husband early...earlier than some thought i should. :-)
we've had 4 healthy children.
God has provided Pat with a job that allows me to stay home.
we have a home and food and are never in "need."

i have no idea why i've had it so easy.
i feel guilty about it.
i've spent years not wanting to admit it.
and i'm finally realizing that is silly.
this is my story.
why am i not screaming it from the rooftops??
i would desire that kind of story for my children, wouldn't i??
it's not about me.
it's about Him...His grace and mercy and goodness have been just as present in my life as in someone with a much "harder" story.

i don't have a huge "thing" to be the "plot thickener" and catalyst to my story...that might keep you turning the pages...but my easy life has caused me to do something for 30+ years that is just becoming clear to me...but first, a little more about this past weekend...

i am pretty guarded with people...i don't show my emotions and have a hard time being very open in person {you might have a hard time believing that if you just know me here...i find it much easier to type/write my feelings than say them}

i also am not very emotional. i'm pretty strong and take life/days/circumstances as they come and deal with them in a logical way. i'm motivated and driven and don't struggle with busy, full, crazy days. i actually think i thrive on them. i love my life. i'm where i always wanted to be.

the last couple weeks i've been a different person...anytime i opened my mouth to talk to someone...anyone...i cried...sobbed...and had no control over it. {sorry...those of you that had to listen to me blabber on and on!} i've been so emotional...and not very guarded. yet completely confused about what was going on in my mind and heart.

this weekend was really, really good.
i knew it would be.
God cleared some stuff up for me.
and i can see now why the Enemy was trying so hard for me not to be there!

this weekend was about ME and HIM.
and it had been way too long.
i'm often seeking His will for my life...asking Him to help me be a better wife and mom and friend and on and on...

but i had forgotten about just being HIS daughter.

and seeking who He wants ME to be...for HIM.

and opening my tight-clenched hand on who I want to be for Him...and truly asking Him who HE wants me to be.

when i was trying to explain this to Pat last night {i'm horrible at communicating things in words...} he asked me, "So, do you feel like you've been disconnected from God and now you're not?" and I said, "No. I have felt very connected to God. I haven't felt disconnected from Him over these past few weeks that have been hard. I feel like He's taking me to a new level. And that's scary." He smiled and said, "Yes. Scary...but good."

for my entire life i have struggled with wanting to do things on my own.
the hard part about that is that almost all of the time, i can do life on my own.
i'm pretty capable.
i have to choose to hand it over to Him.
i have rarely been forced to hand it over to Him.

He's been working on that in me...and made it crystal clear this past weekend...that I need to surrender it all...every moment of every day...to Him. my day might still look the same. yet my spirit will be different...because it will be led by His spirit.

and i'm going to admit something.
i'm terrified about what life is going to look like with 6 kids.
we are walking into an "unknown" that is very scary to me.
4 kids was "my plan"...but this is God's plan :-)
i know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God has called us to this.
i'm excited about it.
I.CAN.NOT.WAIT to get my hands on those sweet boys.
but, i'm not going to deny that it's going to be hard...and it's going to put me WAY out of my comfort zone.

we are determined to do this well.
not "well" in the world's standards...but how HE wants us to...
we don't want to just swoop into another continent and take 2 precious children and waltz back home and move on.
we want to see God there.
to feel Him.
to not let the stress and jet lag and, likely, sickness consume us...but to allow our children's hearts to experience the hugeness of a God that adopted us into His family...even through problems and pain...He did it for us...we will do it for Him.

once we are home, as a family of 8, we want to take each day as it comes.
relying on Him to get us through.
not living by our own lists and priorities and plowing through...but by His desire for our moments.
we only have this moment...and i need to do a better job seeking His will for this moment.

i am NOT trying to romanticize this whole thing.
if anything, i think the reality of our future is hitting me.

i think my life is about to end being "easy" and i'm going to have to rely on HIS strength and grace every moment of the day and He's maybe, just maybe, getting me ready for that???

i'm ready and willing.
with Him at my side, walking alongside me, and carrying me when i can't even walk...i can do it.

He told me that this weekend.
i had struggled and cried and prayed and heard and sought and He told me,
"I've got it, Courtney. I've got it ALL."

i believed Him.
i did.
but i had to smile when our speaker walked on the stage on Sunday morning for our last session wearing a shirt that said, "147 Million Orphans" in huge letters across the front.

it was like Him underlining what He'd been telling my heart all weekend...SURRENDER IT ALL to me...I'm here and I've got you in My hands."

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”

if you have any questions about anything i've said, please ask.
i've grown up in the church and reading the Bible and i try not to use "religious" phrases that someone that hasn't grown up in the church wouldn't understand, but i still might and i'm sorry.

oh...and our speaker this weekend was AMAZING!
Kelly Minter...she writes beautiful music and amazing Bible studies for women...you should definitely check her out!
and if you ever have the opportunity to hear her sing or speak...RUN there!

ok.
i know it's been kinda heavy and deep around here lately.
hopefully i'll be back to taking pictures and posting fun, silly stuff soon!!!