the orphanage

this is not an easy post to write.
but i need to get it out...all these details swim around in my head and keep me up at night.
night after night.

this is the information i have gathered on my own from other people's comments/blogs/etc.

the orphanage where our boys will come from (and likely are living right now) is called Home of Hope. it has these infamous blue doors that everyone knows it by.

as families have been to rwanda over the last year to get their children, and i've watched intently, i've gathered some information about the orphanage that is sometimes helpful, sometimes heartwarming, and often hard to hear.

this is the only orphanage right now that is set up for adoption in the entire country.
the orphanage is run by a group of nuns.
there are only amazing things said about these nuns.
they love the children immensely...have bonds with them...some of the bonds are the only bonds these babies have had in their little lives. this is about the only heart-warming thing about it...and i cling to it in the wee hours of the night/morning as i'm trying to sleep and can't...

the orphanage actually has some older, mentally handicapped people in it as well that are cared for by the nuns.

the children in the orphanage are divided into rooms by age group - infants, toddlers, older children.

there are around 150 children total.
most of the children are 2 years old or older.

when you pick up your child (ren) you only get to see the room that your child slept/lived in. you don't get to see the rest of the rooms.

you also can't take any pictures inside the orphanage.

there are 50 toddlers and 2 caretakers for them.

they get 1 real meal a day.

most of them have some parasite that gives them awful diarrhea...the parasite is most likely from the water at the orphanage. this can be dealt with once they get home...but it's not fun or easy.

all the children in the orphanage are abandoned.
which IS illegal there.
we will find out and get to see where they were found....and any circumstances/people involved.
we will be given any info they have on the children...but it isn't much.

they are on a pretty strict schedule at the orphanage (understandably!) take naps at the same time every day, etc...which will hopefully help them adjust to our "strict" schedule :-)

the following two links are from a mom that was at Home of Hope picking up her little girl in December.
from my eyes
another experience

they say adoption isn't for the faint of heart.
and "they" are right.
this is a hard road.
in many ways.

BUT...God is with us.
and that is what gets me through all that that you just read.
God knows all that.
God loves all those children so, SO much.
and He is going to use us to physically care for 2 of them.
we are honored.

does He want to use you, too??
just ask Him...He'll make it clear!

how long will it take??

{i was sitting at the computer typing something the other day and looked down and had written this...my mind was not on what i was supposed to be doing...it was on 2 little boys on the other side of the world...}

lots of things make me think of our 2 little boys in rwanda.
one of those things is anytime one of our kids is sick...and i'm worried about them...my heart breaks for them...who is taking care of my children in rwanda??

there will be a lot of "adjustments" when we bring our new children home.
there will be a language barrier.
and that worries me.
i know they will learn the language.
but there will be frustrating days in the meantime...where they want to tell me something and i won't understand.
there will be so much that i won't KNOW about them.
and i'm not talking about facts, here.
i'm talking about things a MOM needs to know.

this past sunday afternoon/evening, i kept saying to pat, "joshua doesn't seem right."
we tried to tell ourselves it was that he was tired.
but my mom instinct knew better.
and was confirmed when he woke up crying in the middle of the night with a high fever.
i just knew.

and sawyer.
he says very few words.
but he has this sweet whine he uses.
i can literally tell the difference between his, "i need milk" whine and "where is rebekah?" whine and "i lost my car under the couch" whine.
i just know.

it's not something i have to think about.
or ponder.
or evaluate.
i just KNOW.

how long will it take for me to KNOW these things about the children we are adopting?
this is my job.
to KNOW.
but i won't at first and that is going to be so hard for me.

Fingerprinting done!!!

we were in and out of there in under 10 minutes!
those FBI people are efficient!
{except it was 3+ hours for my mom...and 2 hours driving for me...}

it was really nice to be with pat in daylight hours...just the 2 of us!

ignore the tired, wrinkled eyes...can you see the joy behind all those wrinkles for being 1 step closer to those 2 kids??

according to my calculations, we should receive our approval in about 2 weeks - 1 month from today. then we will get new physicals {because the one's we got for our home study will be too old...they only last 3 months} and then send all our paperwork {our dossier} to Rwanda!

i'll let bailey tell you the news...

we were riding in the car earlier this week...bailey had a friend in the backseat with her...i started listening to their conversation in the middle so i missed the beginning but this is what i heard:

bailey: "i'm getting 2 more brothers."
grace: "really?"
bailey: "yup! from africa!"
grace: "have you been to disneyworld?"
bailey: "no."
grace: "i'm going to fly on a plane to go to disneyworld."
bailey: "they give you food on planes. i'm going to go on a plane to africa to get my brothers."

we are taking Rebekah, Joshua and Bailey with us to bring their brothers home!

when we started the adoption process we didn't even think about it.
it was just pat and i going and we were counting on our parents to help us by watching the kids while we were gone.

as time went on, both our hearts started wondering if we should take Rebekah with us...since she "gets" it so well...so we started talking about it...praying about it...asking others that had traveled to Rwanda with kids about it...and feeling more and more like we should take her.

and if we should take her, why wouldn't we take Joshua?? he'll be 6 years old and would totally remember it!

and if we take him, why wouldn't we take Bailey?? she's only 18 months younger than Joshua and would remember being left behind {she has a fear of being left behind...she's always yelling as she's getting her shoes/coat on, "don't leave me!" i just can't do that to her...}

we will leave Sawyer.
he won't remember and he's too young.

we just feel like this is a once in a lifetime experience and we should do everything we can to make it happen.

it's been a process getting to this point.
the money was (is!) a big factor...but we feel strongly that this is the right decision so we aren't going to let money be the deciding factor.

selfishly, i want it to just be pat and i on this big adventure...but that's not really the stage of life we are in...we are a family and we do things as a family and we will go to Africa to get the rest of our family together.

feel free to ask questions :-)
or offer encouragement.
or send money {just kidding...kind of...}

from a mom who's been there

part 2

from a mom who's been there

part 1

christmas with my family

we celebrated Christmas with my family last night.
this was the cozy scene we walked into!

all the grandkids

we all just enjoyed being together and then my parents set out our stockings!

we ate a YUMMY dinner and actually lingered a bit over the meal...
my dad even included our children in Rwanda in his prayer...they are never far from our minds!

did a fun "Christmas quiz"...



the kids shot downstairs after dinner to play...so the adults exchanged our gifts in the quiet!
we have simplified Christmas quite a bit the last couple years on my side of the family.
my parents still spend too much on us...but they just do our stockings {which is my FAVORITE part!!! socks...candle...a new worship CD...book...gift card to your favorite store...i just love all the "little" stuff! but it still totally adds up, i know!}

then the adults each draw one other adults' name so we each have 1 gift to open.

rebekah spent her quiet time yesterday wrapping gifts for each person.
she went all over the house finding an appropriate gift for them...a {used} baseball for papa...a book she's already read for andrea...a picture for Phill.
she wrapped each one in plain white computer paper.
and attached a "Merry Christmas" card made out of white computer paper.

the look on her face...she was SO very excited to give...i love watching her!

papa with both of the babies.

and then the kids.
they each had 1 gift to open - the one that they got to pick for each other when my parents took them shopping.
they were SO excited to see each other open the gifts because they were a part of it!





and the evening wound down with a piano lesson for rebekah...

it was such a GREAT evening!
it was noticeable to us that things were simpler and that allowed for more conversation and enjoyment and gratitude.
thanks, mom and dad!!!