latest conversation with Pat

i've tried to stop bringing "it" (adoption) up everytime we have a few minutes just the 2 of us.
it's been a couple months since we've talked about it.
partly because life has been crazy.
but mostly because i made a conscious decision not to talk about it.
{oh, i've been thinking and praying...just not talking :-)}

two weekends ago we went on a date.
i brought it up.
something along the lines of, "this is always on my mind. what do we do? i feel like we just move forward and allow God to open and close doors as we go. He's not going to write it in the sky. we have to DO something. what do you think?"
he said, "i agree. let's move forward."
!!!!!!
my heart was about to burst out of my chest!!!!
then he said, "i'm just scared."
that would be a normal statement. totally normal.
but he didn't mean it like you might think.
i mean, as much as i think about it, i am SCARED...TERRIFIED...

this is what he said,
"i'm scared that if the doors close. or it doesn't work out, you are going to be devastated."
oh, how he knows me. so well.

{i can picture it. 2 weeks later. i can still picture it. it was our first time riding in his new car together, just the 2 of us. and then we were walking into target as we finished this conversation.}

but that's when i said, {WHILE praying that i'm sincere and can really live this out},
"i can't be devastated. God is in this. whether we end up adopting, or just going through the process, God is in this. i trust that. and i can't be devastated if it doesn't turn out like i think it will."

so, i have the go ahead.
to pursue.
but now i don't know what to do!
where do i start??

--

"God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."
Francis Chan

sierra leone

1 in 3 children die by the age of 5.
wow.

praying boldly

i've started to pray some bold prayers about adoption.
i've been tempted to before.
but then got scared.
because i know when you pray things like, "God, give me patience" ...He WILL test you so that you have no other option BUT to have patience.

but, i'm ready.

Lord, make it equally clear to Pat and I that we should adopt.
Lord, guide us to the country/agency we should use.

i'm starting with those.
and praying BOLDLY...knowing that He will answer.

--

"Rescue the perishing; don't hesitate to step in and help. If you say, "Hey, that's none of my business," [i.e. "that's not for me"] will that get you off the hook? Someone is watching you closely, you know— Someone not impressed with weak excuses." -Proverbs 24:12 (The Message)

"Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

maybe...

we had friends over for dinner this past weekend.
the topic of "adoption" came up.
when pat was asked if we might adopt, he said, "maybe" without hesitation.
huge progress! :-)
and my heart literally SANG.

fields of the fatherless

pat and i both just finished reading fields of the fatherless by tom davis. i read it first. then asked him to read it. he did. that week. we've talked about it some. i, of course, think it means we need to adopt.

he, wisely, says it reminds him that we need to "keep looking" - keep our eyes open - to what God asks of us - whether it be adoption...or paying for the woman's groceries in the grocery store line.

i'm so thankful for my husband.